LAS VEGAS, NV—Bernie Sanders took criticism for owning three houses at last night’s Democratic debate. He defended himself eloquently, using the argument that “basically everyone who’s not a dumb, poor person has three houses” and that “having three houses is fun and convenient.”
But Sanders realized the blows were landing too effectively. So, to deflect attention away from his three houses, Sanders reportedly bought a fourth house, a quaint, 3,000-SF beachside summer home in Maine.
“Now they can’t say that I own three homes any longer!” Sanders said triumphantly as he clicked the Buy button on the website where socialists buy all their houses. “I’d love to see them try to use the ol’ three houses argument during the next debate! Bernie, old boy, we’ve done it again.”
Sanders then celebrated his home purchase the way he celebrates all his home purchases: with a bottle of authentic vodka from the USSR. “To socialism!” he said as he toasted his new home.
The plan worked, and the media no longer focused on his three homes, though they did start attacking him for having four homes, forcing him to buy a fifth.